Wednesday, March 31, 2010

my besties and my best buds!

to all you girls out there....I LOVE YOU!!!! :)

but to all you guys out there....YOU GUYS ROCK!!! :)

i always seem to find myself sitting alone.......with a bunch of guys. (my second life story) but i'm totally cool with it! i may not say alot but i think if i WAS the more talkative type i would have so much more to contribute in a guys convo than a girls! haha i don't know...it always just turns out that way!
now, there are a few things that i absolutely hate about being a girl!....but i wouldn't trade any of them in for anything! :) i LOVE being a girl!! and what i LOVE even more about being a girl is....being able to have both really close GIRLfriends and really close GUYfriends!! i don't think i could live one week without hanging out or talking to my best guy-friend!! i enjoy hanging out with both genders but if i had to spend a day with one of them....i'd probably pick a guys football or basketball team! haha
another thing that i've been known for, between my guy and girl friends has been...i'm a good match maker! hahaha one "up" side of having both genders as besties is...you know who likes who! i can't tell you how many times i've had a best guy friend crushing on one of my best girl friends!....with me stuck in the middle knowing that they like each other and both of them not knowing. haha

the bottom line to this little story is.....i think....if a girl is really easy going and laid back they'll have a lot of close friends from both genders and each relationship will be very speacial in their own way!!! :)

<3 buds with all <3

facial expressions!

facial expressions are very key in my family. we tend to feed off of each others facial expressions! sometimes its great because you don't have to say anything! yet other times it can be misleading and taken wrong. like today for example.
my mom, brother and i were at mc donalds having a very late lunch and we had just gone grocery shopping and we had three things of ice cream in the car. (now, the weather is starting to warm up....yay! so it wasn't cool in the car.) i "sucked" up my food like a vaccume then my mom finished which left alex. (i'm always waiting for him to finish eating) ANYWAYS.....i guess my facial expression looked like "im bored" or something....so alex said "mom tori's giving me the teenage bored look again!" when REALLY what i was trying to express was "hurry up! theres so much we gotta do in so little time!!" but i didn't want to be rude. haha
*note-to-self* be careful of how your face looks and your body possition is...because people really do take that to heart. :)

giving directions

my parents giving directions:

"ok so you go straight down this road and right on this road then stay on that road until you come to this road and this number on the highway, then you just keep going on the numbered road and finally you turn left on this road."


me giving directions:

"ok so you go down a road with a bunch of trees and a lot of grass...then you keep going down that road until you see a mc donalds on your left...then turn right after you do that stay on that road then youll see a big gray building with broken windows....then you should be there....i think..."

yUp! this is why you dont want to ask me for directions!!! haha you'll proabaly end up in wonderland!! :o

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

my typical car ride convos with my mom go something like this....

MOM: so...wha wha wha wha wha wha...i don't know maybe im wrong wha wha wha wha i don't know what do you think??

ME: yUp! cool! totally!

MOM: ok good because wha wha wha wha wha wha and wha wha wha!

ME: oh yeah i totally know what your saying! thats a great idea!..YUP!

MOM: PHEW! so anyways i wha wha wha wha wha wha wha...what do you think about that?

(MY THOUGHTS): hmmmm....i think you should BE QUIET AND TURN UP THE MUSIC!!!...pls?!
ME: i think your right! :)

gotta love car rides! and i really do LOVE riding in the car with mi madre!! but after a while this is all a start to hear. :p

Sunday, March 28, 2010

photo shoots with friends!!!



"Live like We're Dying" - Kris Allen

"Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's too late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would've done

[Chorus]
Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

And if you plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we live out of our lives
So when we long for absolution, there'll be no one on the line

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying
Like we're dying
Like we're dying
Like we're dying

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying
You never know a good thing until it's gone
You never see a crash until it's head on
All these people right when we're dead wrong,
You never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying
Like we're dying
Like we're dying
Like we're dying

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying"

In Thy Wrath and Hot Displeasure

"Dark - ness gath -er, foes as - sail me, but I an - awer not a word; all my friends de -sert and fail me, on -ly thou my cry hast heard. Lord in thee am I con -fid -ing;
thou wilt an - swer when I call, lest my foes, the good de -rid - ing, tri -umph in thy ser - vant's fall.

I am prone to halt and stum -ble, grief and sor -row dwell with- in, shame and guilt my spir - it humble; I am sor - ry for my sin. Lord, my God, do not forsake me, let me know that thou art near, un - der thy pro - tec - tion take me, as my Sav - ior now ap -pear."
(vrs.2 & 3)

These words really spoke to me this morning in church!.....Just thought I'd share it with you guys! :)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

~going through the motions~

"This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions" - Matthew West





I am going through the motions! I'm starting all over again....in some ways. Today i woke up not feeling like much of anything. I just wanted to sleep in and stay in my pj's all day and watch TV!! :p buuut no. i had to get up, get dressed, get ready for the day, do school, then go to the school for another interview! When i first walked in i wasn't in a happy mood whatsoever! My mom wanted me to wear a super small coat that is about 3-4 yrs old!! -_- so not cool! and on top of that i felt like i was sticking out like a sore thumb in my "business clothes" even my friend told me that i looked like i was going to a job interview! haha i was like "i know right!?!" hahaha

anyways....as i was (awkwardly) standing there in the hallway with my parents and all the kids at the school the first thought that came to my head was....RUuuuun!!! :o then i looked up and saw my friend! her face was so bright and her eyes were full of pure joy!! and it gave me an overall warm feeling inside!! it calmed me. :) she came up and gave me a big hug! (which was very unexpected by the way but THANKS!) just that little smile and hug boosted my energy level by 100 volts!! She's so nice and sweet and i cant wait to get to know her and my other friend more!!!

it felt different....in a good/awkward way going into my interview today. it felt good because i knew people and saw alot of familiar faces!! but at the same time it was somewhat awkward for me because i've seen pretty much all the faces before at least once from somewhere. either it be school games or church! but i still felt like i was on the "outside looking in" :/ the unsure feeling. i know thats a totally normal feeling! and i know that feeling will go away in time! :) i just can't wait for it to!!! haha

<3 anxious <3

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

"my wish" to all my friends!!

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you,
in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

stretched and torn

you know that feeling you get when you first wake up and you raise your arms high in the air and you go on up on your tip toes and you stretch loooong and hard so hard that a loud burst comes out of you that you couldn't control?? well, imagine waking up stretching like that then not being able to relax from it. that's exactly how i'm feeling now. i'm stuck on my tip toes with my arms high in the air. i can't get out of the very uncomfortable position.

living in arizona was....awesome!! i LOVED it!! i LOVE all my friends there! i LOVE my church there! i LOVE the memories i have there! and i LOVE the weather there!! i couldn't have asked for a better place to be!!....then God decided to turn my "awesome life" completely upside down and inside out. i moved.

now, i don't have anyone i click with....yet. i don't have a secure place to call home....yet. i don't have any memories that i absolutely love....yet. and i don't feel together.....yet. i feel stretched waaaay out. we're talking across the country way out!!...and somewhere between AZ and here i'm torn. im torn deep. not torn right in half! but torn deep non the less.

my parents love it here!....and i'm sure.....in time....that i will grow to be quite fond of this place too!! :) but every time they "compare & contrast" between life here and our life in AZ...my stretched out body gets torn a little deeper. why? i don't know. its not like they're pointing out certain people in AZ. its not like they're talking smack down on AZ. thats not it AT ALL. they LOVED it there too! its just....i'm not quite sure how to word it...they're just pointing certain things out that they really like about here and sharing it with me. now, please don't get me wrong and think that i don't like to listen to peoples thoughts and ideas...because i LOVE hearing them!!...i guess it just really hurts me inside because i know they're right. and i just don't want to admit it.

you know how your close friends "i love you"?? i LOVE that! :) but there are only SOME that really truly DO! i had a lot of close friends who said that to me. and still do. and i LOVE them!! but i gotta stop and think back....they only said that whenever i did something nice for them or they were really happy. is that good? i know its not bad. but is that a real friend???

this morning my mom told me to hang in there and that i'll meet and make some really close, really deep friends! what does "deep" mean?? because i can make a list of "deep" moments i've had with friends in AZ. i don't know. i guess i'm just super confused about the definition she has in her head of "deep"

i guess what i'm really trying to say is....as i've been thinking about my friends, relations, and memories i had in AZ it hit me that i THINK i miss them physically. i can't really recall off the top of my head why or how i can miss them spiritually or relationally. i don't think i've really truly had one deep, faith-filled, spiritual moment with any of my "close" friends. this pains me to admit this. :( but i can't. is that a bad thing?

i think....well...i know! my parents are right. (they usually always are) but i really truly think that my relationships here are going to be a little more deeper and much more faith-filled!! i can feel it!! :)

<3 its a sandy up hill struggle <3

Sunday, March 21, 2010

healing....

im sitting in a sling. its God's hands! then all of a sudden the sling starts moving backwards! as it backs up it hits obstacles but is able to dodge them! i start to get frustrated and begin to walk the other way, fighting against the rubber band. I keep losing. Once i gave up i turned back around and sat in the sling calmly. then...out of no where...the rubber band breaks! my sling was shot! i started flying through the obstacles that had already been dodged going back. my eyes are closed tight!! i'm getting cut and scratched from every direction! it hurts!!!
now....i'm sitting here at my computer in TN healing from all the scratches and cuts i've received. the rubber band has thrown me cross country! :p my heart has finally stopped beating fast! PHEW!....but my bruises are still purple. and whenever i move a certain way they throb! :(
please continue to pray for me and my family. it still doesn't feel like home.
<3 healing <3

Locks Of Love....aka...."LOL"

I've been thinking long and hard over...my hair! haha it may sound totally weird and dumb but 1) im a girl! and 2) i don't just want to cut a bunch of inches off and call it a day....there's way too much hair to do that. ;) then the thought of Locks Of Love popped into my head!! DUDE! i think YES!!! :) i mean if you're going to be cutting off at least 10 inches you might as well donate it to people who would LOVE to have hair!!....I'm sooo excited!! I have the donation form and everything!! now all i have to look up is....cute short hair styles!!! YAY!!!
<3 excited <3

???

today my Sunday school teacher told us that we're slowly dieing....i already knew that, but an interesting question popped into my head right after he said that... "if we're slowly dieing...then why do we call it life?" Hmmmm?? tricky tricky!! haha

Monday, March 15, 2010

....OK!

my life isn't going exactly the way i wanted it to.....
but its OK.
my personal life isn't exactly how i wanted it to go....
but its OK.
i really really miss my AZ friends and i really really want to go back, but i can't..
and that's OK.
i'm letting go of the life i planned for me....
and im Ok.
my driving school is...
just OK.
nothing new has really happened....
and that's OK.
when i first moved here i thought i was going to "die" without my best friends....
but i'll be OK.
when i first broke up with my boyfriend i didn't think i would ever get over it but..
i'm OK.
i learned that God has my whole life in his hands....
and thats OK.
i learned that i have absolute no control of my life...
and thats OK.
i also learned that being just "OK" with things...is...well....OK!

<3 tori <3

drivers ed...

once again im going through the motions. im going to drivers ed class all week this week and at the end of the week im getting my....PERMIT! :o haha personally i could care less about getting my licence at "the time." but doing this 4 day class is going to take foooorrrrreeevvveeeerrr!!! ;p.....oh well! at least i have something to look forward to!! :)) next week my good friends are coming to visit us for 4 days! im so excited!!

<3 tori <3

Sunday, March 14, 2010

He's NOT a secrete....

I met an awesome guy a long time ago but didn't get close to him until the 7Th grade. He's always been there for me! He's a GREAT listener and a GREAT supporter! Hes had my back ever since i was born but i didn't realize it until i got older. I LOVE hanging out with him! We talk all the time! :)
I USED to be shy about our new relationship. I didn't want to tell people that he was my friend. I was afraid that people would make fun of me for hanging out with him. Hes not a nerd. yet in alot of places hes not all that popular. He used to be popular though! A lot of people used to like him!.....but, as time went on people started to get busy in their own lives and He started to fade in the shadows! :(
Today....people are starting to miss him....but there are also those who could care less about him...
Hes ALWAYS been around.
Hes my BEST friend.
He's also my Heavenly Father.
He's God.

my new lay out

i "fell in love" with this lay out for a few reasons...

1) i love bright neonish colors

2) my two fav. colors are pink and blue

3) it has musical notes within it

and....

4) because it was on the "new" list!....hehe...i love it! :))

Monday, March 8, 2010

"Letting go" and "Someones watching over me"

"Im letting go of the life i planned for me, and my dreams! I'm losing control of my destiny! it feels like im falling and thats what its like to believe!...so im letting go!"

"I found myself today, Oh I found myself and ran away,.....but something pulled me back, voice of reason i forgot i had! all i know is yesterday is gone, and right now i belong, to this moment to my dreams!!
So i wont give up! No, I won't break down! sooner than it seems life turns around! and i WILL stay strong even if it all goes wrong! When i'm standing in the dark i'll still believe.....someones watching over me!!"