"Are we happy plastic people, under shiny plastic steeples with walls around our weakness and smiles to hide our pain?"
"When I take a look around everybody seems so strong!"
"So I tuck it all away, like every things OK!"
"Only when no one is watching can we really fall apart"
"Or would it set me free, if i dared to let you see, the truth behind the person that you imagine me to be?"
"If I make 'em all believe it maybe I'll believe it too!"
"Would your arms be open? or would you walk away? or would the Love of Jesus be enough to make stay?!"
.....I LOVE this song!!! :o I couldn't relate to this song any better!!! this has been my heart for a looooong time!!!!!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
"the Bridge" ~by tori
"i feel like im in a bright blue and purple bubble!
with nowhere to go! nothing to do except look to YOU! my eyes are tearing up...and my ears begin to plug.
the pressure is on.
i close my eyes and i see him!
i yell his name!!
he looks my way! :)
i tell him to come over!!
he just stands there.
i yell his name again!!
he smiles! :)
i motion for him to come over again!!
he doesn't budge.
i yell his name one last time, this time im crying!!
his smile disappears.
i motion and tell him to come over!!
he turns his back and crosses the Bridge.
now i stand alone. motionless. cold. sad. mad. alone.
i start to cross the bridge but trip!!
i start walking again.
i trip.
again...trip.
i keep tripping on every crack!!
-_- so i give up trying to walk and begin to crawl...
i look up and see him dancing his way down the rest of the path.
i frown.
the game is on.
i stand up but this time im on my tip toes!!
im walking over the cracks!!
i'm being REAL careful NOT to touch the cracks with my big shoes!!
because i've learned that if you go REALLY slow and be careful where you step....you won't fall and hurt yourself. "
<3
Haha! i was half alseep when i wrote this in my journal!! then the next day i read over it and felt like i should share this for some reason...haha!
with nowhere to go! nothing to do except look to YOU! my eyes are tearing up...and my ears begin to plug.
the pressure is on.
i close my eyes and i see him!
i yell his name!!
he looks my way! :)
i tell him to come over!!
he just stands there.
i yell his name again!!
he smiles! :)
i motion for him to come over again!!
he doesn't budge.
i yell his name one last time, this time im crying!!
his smile disappears.
i motion and tell him to come over!!
he turns his back and crosses the Bridge.
now i stand alone. motionless. cold. sad. mad. alone.
i start to cross the bridge but trip!!
i start walking again.
i trip.
again...trip.
i keep tripping on every crack!!
-_- so i give up trying to walk and begin to crawl...
i look up and see him dancing his way down the rest of the path.
i frown.
the game is on.
i stand up but this time im on my tip toes!!
im walking over the cracks!!
i'm being REAL careful NOT to touch the cracks with my big shoes!!
because i've learned that if you go REALLY slow and be careful where you step....you won't fall and hurt yourself. "
<3
Haha! i was half alseep when i wrote this in my journal!! then the next day i read over it and felt like i should share this for some reason...haha!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
my "life ball"...
remember palying in the snow? remember having to pick your legs way up almost your head in order to walk through the 10 inch thickness?!....well i do. i also remember making snow men!!..Good times! My favorite part was starting to form the head. The snow would be so thick. I was so small. It took all my energy just to start rolling the snow into a ball!! haha....
I got to thinking about my past life and everything that i've been through and everyone that i've met...i couldn't help but picture a biiiig "snow ball"!!....but instead of calling it a snow ball i like to call it my "life ball." [= This "life ball" was full of holes! It was covered in dirt, almost to the point of total browness! It also had many different sizes of twigs sticking out of it every which way!....incase you can't see the full picture...the holes stand for the times that i've given a small piece of myself or my heart to someone. The dirt stands for all my past sins. And finally the twigs stand for all the different kinds of people i've met! [=
Now, i've moved. my "life ball" has been thrown at the wall and has smashed into the air. When i first moved here i was sad, mad, confused, annoyed, and somewhat depressed. =[ i felt like God was punishing me for all my sins that i've done in AZ...but he sooo wasn't! I felt alone. and unloved. and i hated it!!....buuuut after about a month i realized that being mad at everything and everyone wasn't going anywhere! haha so i decided to take a full step back and "refresh" myself from everything! One night i found my old prayer journal and i read through it. wow! God is truely amazing!! He DOES answer your prayers! =] I couldn't believe that He was with me all the way!!....until i stopped writing...aka....stopped praying. =[ and it hit me that after i stopped writing my life turned around. talk about doing a 180!! lets just say that life happens and you live and learn! but all that ocurred once i stopped talking to God every day and night! =[ So the other night I took the time to write in that journal! [= After i finished writing I went to bed feeling "new" and once i woke up i felt "refreshed"!!
Today i went to church and i talked to a really nice girl! [= I can really see the light in her! She is really nice and caring! I'm looking forward to getting to know her better this year!! When i got home i thanked God for her!...the night before i prayed that God would show his love through someone...and this girl was that someone! [=
now back to my "life ball"....I've picked up the snow and i've started rolling it on the ground!...I feel like i'm 5 again! I'm TRYING....im going to use all my energy to get this new ball formed!!! (If you didn't know this already i'm pretty quiet, and it takes me a long time to get "used" to or comfortable with new people...so this has been quite the challenge getting out there and talking!) but i know i'll get there! Im really excited to see how big this new "life ball" gets!! I can't wait to see my brand new, fresh, pure white ball roll in and out of people's lives and to see people and events "hit" me!! [=
I got to thinking about my past life and everything that i've been through and everyone that i've met...i couldn't help but picture a biiiig "snow ball"!!....but instead of calling it a snow ball i like to call it my "life ball." [= This "life ball" was full of holes! It was covered in dirt, almost to the point of total browness! It also had many different sizes of twigs sticking out of it every which way!....incase you can't see the full picture...the holes stand for the times that i've given a small piece of myself or my heart to someone. The dirt stands for all my past sins. And finally the twigs stand for all the different kinds of people i've met! [=
Now, i've moved. my "life ball" has been thrown at the wall and has smashed into the air. When i first moved here i was sad, mad, confused, annoyed, and somewhat depressed. =[ i felt like God was punishing me for all my sins that i've done in AZ...but he sooo wasn't! I felt alone. and unloved. and i hated it!!....buuuut after about a month i realized that being mad at everything and everyone wasn't going anywhere! haha so i decided to take a full step back and "refresh" myself from everything! One night i found my old prayer journal and i read through it. wow! God is truely amazing!! He DOES answer your prayers! =] I couldn't believe that He was with me all the way!!....until i stopped writing...aka....stopped praying. =[ and it hit me that after i stopped writing my life turned around. talk about doing a 180!! lets just say that life happens and you live and learn! but all that ocurred once i stopped talking to God every day and night! =[ So the other night I took the time to write in that journal! [= After i finished writing I went to bed feeling "new" and once i woke up i felt "refreshed"!!
Today i went to church and i talked to a really nice girl! [= I can really see the light in her! She is really nice and caring! I'm looking forward to getting to know her better this year!! When i got home i thanked God for her!...the night before i prayed that God would show his love through someone...and this girl was that someone! [=
now back to my "life ball"....I've picked up the snow and i've started rolling it on the ground!...I feel like i'm 5 again! I'm TRYING....im going to use all my energy to get this new ball formed!!! (If you didn't know this already i'm pretty quiet, and it takes me a long time to get "used" to or comfortable with new people...so this has been quite the challenge getting out there and talking!) but i know i'll get there! Im really excited to see how big this new "life ball" gets!! I can't wait to see my brand new, fresh, pure white ball roll in and out of people's lives and to see people and events "hit" me!! [=
Monday, February 1, 2010
not quite home....
....we're not quite there...yet. We still have boxes packed in the bonus room and there is no art up on the walls. =[ The house still feels....somewhat empty, and my room doesn't feel like....MY room. But like always....it'll all fall in place in good time!! [= (i just want it to be soon) haha! My mom was talking to me this morning about packing EARLY!!! i was thinking "WHAT?!?!" as she started to go on and on about that my heart sank. i cant wait to finally have a schedule down. We're still looking at places to go, things to do, and searching for people to meet. There are a few people on my "get-to-know-better" list!! which i'm excited about!! [=
....so far things are starting off on the "slow" side! I planned to get to know that girl caroline that i mentioned before. i was all ready to get to know her more at lunch today!! i knew what i was going to wear, and i started to write down a few questions that i was going to ask her at lunch!!....buuuuut no. i mentioned in my last post that its been snowing nonstop all weekend and that we were snowed in! we couldn't even go to church!!! =[ well, today my brother and i got off! the news called another 'snow day" on the schools! -_- soooo i get to wait until next week to do everything that i wanted to do TODAY! =p hahah oh wells!!...(plus all the more time to read on in my lovely book!!)
I'll be sure to keep ya updated on the whole "meeting people" thang!! [= like i said a while back...my "life ball" should start rolling any day now!!! hahaha until then...
Peace!
Chow!
Love you!
<3>
....so far things are starting off on the "slow" side! I planned to get to know that girl caroline that i mentioned before. i was all ready to get to know her more at lunch today!! i knew what i was going to wear, and i started to write down a few questions that i was going to ask her at lunch!!....buuuuut no. i mentioned in my last post that its been snowing nonstop all weekend and that we were snowed in! we couldn't even go to church!!! =[ well, today my brother and i got off! the news called another 'snow day" on the schools! -_- soooo i get to wait until next week to do everything that i wanted to do TODAY! =p hahah oh wells!!...(plus all the more time to read on in my lovely book!!)
I'll be sure to keep ya updated on the whole "meeting people" thang!! [= like i said a while back...my "life ball" should start rolling any day now!!! hahaha until then...
Peace!
Chow!
Love you!
<3>
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