~going through the motions~

"This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions" - Matthew West




I am going through the motions! I'm starting all over again....in some ways. Today i woke up not feeling like much of anything. I just wanted to sleep in and stay in my pj's all day and watch TV!! :p buuut no. i had to get up, get dressed, get ready for the day, do school, then go to the school for another interview! When i first walked in i wasn't in a happy mood whatsoever! My mom wanted me to wear a super small coat that is about 3-4 yrs old!! -_- so not cool! and on top of that i felt like i was sticking out like a sore thumb in my "business clothes" even my friend told me that i looked like i was going to a job interview! haha i was like "i know right!?!" hahaha

anyways....as i was (awkwardly) standing there in the hallway with my parents and all the kids at the school the first thought that came to my head was....RUuuuun!!! :o then i looked up and saw my friend! her face was so bright and her eyes were full of pure joy!! and it gave me an overall warm feeling inside!! it calmed me. :) she came up and gave me a big hug! (which was very unexpected by the way but THANKS!) just that little smile and hug boosted my energy level by 100 volts!! She's so nice and sweet and i cant wait to get to know her and my other friend more!!!

it felt different....in a good/awkward way going into my interview today. it felt good because i knew people and saw alot of familiar faces!! but at the same time it was somewhat awkward for me because i've seen pretty much all the faces before at least once from somewhere. either it be school games or church! but i still felt like i was on the "outside looking in" :/ the unsure feeling. i know thats a totally normal feeling! and i know that feeling will go away in time! :) i just can't wait for it to!!! haha

<3 anxious <3