"my wish" to all my friends!!

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

stretched and torn

you know that feeling you get when you first wake up and you raise your arms high in the air and you go on up on your tip toes and you stretch loooong and hard so hard that a loud burst comes out of you that you couldn't control?? well, imagine waking up stretching like that then not being able to relax from it. that's exactly how i'm feeling now. i'm stuck on my tip toes with my arms high in the air. i can't get out of the very uncomfortable position.

living in arizona was....awesome!! i LOVED it!! i LOVE all my friends there! i LOVE my church there! i LOVE the memories i have there! and i LOVE the weather there!! i couldn't have asked for a better place to be!!....then God decided to turn my "awesome life" completely upside down and inside out. i moved.

now, i don't have anyone i click with....yet. i don't have a secure place to call home....yet. i don't have any memories that i absolutely love....yet. and i don't feel together.....yet. i feel stretched waaaay out. we're talking across the country way out!!...and somewhere between AZ and here i'm torn. im torn deep. not torn right in half! but torn deep non the less.

my parents love it here!....and i'm sure.....in time....that i will grow to be quite fond of this place too!! :) but every time they "compare & contrast" between life here and our life in AZ...my stretched out body gets torn a little deeper. why? i don't know. its not like they're pointing out certain people in AZ. its not like they're talking smack down on AZ. thats not it AT ALL. they LOVED it there too! its just....i'm not quite sure how to word it...they're just pointing certain things out that they really like about here and sharing it with me. now, please don't get me wrong and think that i don't like to listen to peoples thoughts and ideas...because i LOVE hearing them!!...i guess it just really hurts me inside because i know they're right. and i just don't want to admit it.

you know how your close friends "i love you"?? i LOVE that! :) but there are only SOME that really truly DO! i had a lot of close friends who said that to me. and still do. and i LOVE them!! but i gotta stop and think back....they only said that whenever i did something nice for them or they were really happy. is that good? i know its not bad. but is that a real friend???

this morning my mom told me to hang in there and that i'll meet and make some really close, really deep friends! what does "deep" mean?? because i can make a list of "deep" moments i've had with friends in AZ. i don't know. i guess i'm just super confused about the definition she has in her head of "deep"

i guess what i'm really trying to say is....as i've been thinking about my friends, relations, and memories i had in AZ it hit me that i THINK i miss them physically. i can't really recall off the top of my head why or how i can miss them spiritually or relationally. i don't think i've really truly had one deep, faith-filled, spiritual moment with any of my "close" friends. this pains me to admit this. :( but i can't. is that a bad thing?

i think....well...i know! my parents are right. (they usually always are) but i really truly think that my relationships here are going to be a little more deeper and much more faith-filled!! i can feel it!! :)

<3 its a sandy up hill struggle <3

healing....

im sitting in a sling. its God's hands! then all of a sudden the sling starts moving backwards! as it backs up it hits obstacles but is able to dodge them! i start to get frustrated and begin to walk the other way, fighting against the rubber band. I keep losing. Once i gave up i turned back around and sat in the sling calmly. then...out of no where...the rubber band breaks! my sling was shot! i started flying through the obstacles that had already been dodged going back. my eyes are closed tight!! i'm getting cut and scratched from every direction! it hurts!!!
now....i'm sitting here at my computer in TN healing from all the scratches and cuts i've received. the rubber band has thrown me cross country! :p my heart has finally stopped beating fast! PHEW!....but my bruises are still purple. and whenever i move a certain way they throb! :(
please continue to pray for me and my family. it still doesn't feel like home.
<3 healing <3

Locks Of Love....aka...."LOL"

I've been thinking long and hard over...my hair! haha it may sound totally weird and dumb but 1) im a girl! and 2) i don't just want to cut a bunch of inches off and call it a day....there's way too much hair to do that. ;) then the thought of Locks Of Love popped into my head!! DUDE! i think YES!!! :) i mean if you're going to be cutting off at least 10 inches you might as well donate it to people who would LOVE to have hair!!....I'm sooo excited!! I have the donation form and everything!! now all i have to look up is....cute short hair styles!!! YAY!!!
<3 excited <3

???

today my Sunday school teacher told us that we're slowly dieing....i already knew that, but an interesting question popped into my head right after he said that... "if we're slowly dieing...then why do we call it life?" Hmmmm?? tricky tricky!! haha

....OK!

my life isn't going exactly the way i wanted it to.....
but its OK.
my personal life isn't exactly how i wanted it to go....
but its OK.
i really really miss my AZ friends and i really really want to go back, but i can't..
and that's OK.
i'm letting go of the life i planned for me....
and im Ok.
my driving school is...
just OK.
nothing new has really happened....
and that's OK.
when i first moved here i thought i was going to "die" without my best friends....
but i'll be OK.
when i first broke up with my boyfriend i didn't think i would ever get over it but..
i'm OK.
i learned that God has my whole life in his hands....
and thats OK.
i learned that i have absolute no control of my life...
and thats OK.
i also learned that being just "OK" with things...is...well....OK!

<3 tori <3

drivers ed...

once again im going through the motions. im going to drivers ed class all week this week and at the end of the week im getting my....PERMIT! :o haha personally i could care less about getting my licence at "the time." but doing this 4 day class is going to take foooorrrrreeevvveeeerrr!!! ;p.....oh well! at least i have something to look forward to!! :)) next week my good friends are coming to visit us for 4 days! im so excited!!

<3 tori <3

He's NOT a secrete....

I met an awesome guy a long time ago but didn't get close to him until the 7Th grade. He's always been there for me! He's a GREAT listener and a GREAT supporter! Hes had my back ever since i was born but i didn't realize it until i got older. I LOVE hanging out with him! We talk all the time! :)
I USED to be shy about our new relationship. I didn't want to tell people that he was my friend. I was afraid that people would make fun of me for hanging out with him. Hes not a nerd. yet in alot of places hes not all that popular. He used to be popular though! A lot of people used to like him!.....but, as time went on people started to get busy in their own lives and He started to fade in the shadows! :(
Today....people are starting to miss him....but there are also those who could care less about him...
Hes ALWAYS been around.
Hes my BEST friend.
He's also my Heavenly Father.
He's God.

my new lay out

i "fell in love" with this lay out for a few reasons...

1) i love bright neonish colors

2) my two fav. colors are pink and blue

3) it has musical notes within it

and....

4) because it was on the "new" list!....hehe...i love it! :))

"Letting go" and "Someones watching over me"

"Im letting go of the life i planned for me, and my dreams! I'm losing control of my destiny! it feels like im falling and thats what its like to believe!...so im letting go!"

"I found myself today, Oh I found myself and ran away,.....but something pulled me back, voice of reason i forgot i had! all i know is yesterday is gone, and right now i belong, to this moment to my dreams!!
So i wont give up! No, I won't break down! sooner than it seems life turns around! and i WILL stay strong even if it all goes wrong! When i'm standing in the dark i'll still believe.....someones watching over me!!"