"Stained Glass Masquerade" - Casting Crowns

"Are we happy plastic people, under shiny plastic steeples with walls around our weakness and smiles to hide our pain?"

"When I take a look around everybody seems so strong!"

"So I tuck it all away, like every things OK!"

"Only when no one is watching can we really fall apart"

"Or would it set me free, if i dared to let you see, the truth behind the person that you imagine me to be?"

"If I make 'em all believe it maybe I'll believe it too!"

"Would your arms be open? or would you walk away? or would the Love of Jesus be enough to make stay?!"

.....I LOVE this song!!! :o I couldn't relate to this song any better!!! this has been my heart for a looooong time!!!!!

"the Bridge" ~by tori

"i feel like im in a bright blue and purple bubble!
with nowhere to go! nothing to do except look to YOU! my eyes are tearing up...and my ears begin to plug.
the pressure is on.
i close my eyes and i see him!
i yell his name!!
he looks my way! :)
i tell him to come over!!
he just stands there.
i yell his name again!!
he smiles! :)
i motion for him to come over again!!
he doesn't budge.
i yell his name one last time, this time im crying!!
his smile disappears.
i motion and tell him to come over!!
he turns his back and crosses the Bridge.
now i stand alone. motionless. cold. sad. mad. alone.
i start to cross the bridge but trip!!
i start walking again.
i trip.
again...trip.
i keep tripping on every crack!!
-_- so i give up trying to walk and begin to crawl...
i look up and see him dancing his way down the rest of the path.
i frown.
the game is on.
i stand up but this time im on my tip toes!!
im walking over the cracks!!
i'm being REAL careful NOT to touch the cracks with my big shoes!!
because i've learned that if you go REALLY slow and be careful where you step....you won't fall and hurt yourself. "
<3

Haha! i was half alseep when i wrote this in my journal!! then the next day i read over it and felt like i should share this for some reason...haha!

my "life ball"...

remember palying in the snow? remember having to pick your legs way up almost your head in order to walk through the 10 inch thickness?!....well i do. i also remember making snow men!!..Good times! My favorite part was starting to form the head. The snow would be so thick. I was so small. It took all my energy just to start rolling the snow into a ball!! haha....

I got to thinking about my past life and everything that i've been through and everyone that i've met...i couldn't help but picture a biiiig "snow ball"!!....but instead of calling it a snow ball i like to call it my "life ball." [= This "life ball" was full of holes! It was covered in dirt, almost to the point of total browness! It also had many different sizes of twigs sticking out of it every which way!....incase you can't see the full picture...the holes stand for the times that i've given a small piece of myself or my heart to someone. The dirt stands for all my past sins. And finally the twigs stand for all the different kinds of people i've met! [=

Now, i've moved. my "life ball" has been thrown at the wall and has smashed into the air. When i first moved here i was sad, mad, confused, annoyed, and somewhat depressed. =[ i felt like God was punishing me for all my sins that i've done in AZ...but he sooo wasn't! I felt alone. and unloved. and i hated it!!....buuuut after about a month i realized that being mad at everything and everyone wasn't going anywhere! haha so i decided to take a full step back and "refresh" myself from everything! One night i found my old prayer journal and i read through it. wow! God is truely amazing!! He DOES answer your prayers! =] I couldn't believe that He was with me all the way!!....until i stopped writing...aka....stopped praying. =[ and it hit me that after i stopped writing my life turned around. talk about doing a 180!! lets just say that life happens and you live and learn! but all that ocurred once i stopped talking to God every day and night! =[ So the other night I took the time to write in that journal! [= After i finished writing I went to bed feeling "new" and once i woke up i felt "refreshed"!!
Today i went to church and i talked to a really nice girl! [= I can really see the light in her! She is really nice and caring! I'm looking forward to getting to know her better this year!! When i got home i thanked God for her!...the night before i prayed that God would show his love through someone...and this girl was that someone! [=
now back to my "life ball"....I've picked up the snow and i've started rolling it on the ground!...I feel like i'm 5 again! I'm TRYING....im going to use all my energy to get this new ball formed!!! (If you didn't know this already i'm pretty quiet, and it takes me a long time to get "used" to or comfortable with new people...so this has been quite the challenge getting out there and talking!) but i know i'll get there! Im really excited to see how big this new "life ball" gets!! I can't wait to see my brand new, fresh, pure white ball roll in and out of people's lives and to see people and events "hit" me!! [=

not quite home....

....we're not quite there...yet. We still have boxes packed in the bonus room and there is no art up on the walls. =[ The house still feels....somewhat empty, and my room doesn't feel like....MY room. But like always....it'll all fall in place in good time!! [= (i just want it to be soon) haha! My mom was talking to me this morning about packing EARLY!!! i was thinking "WHAT?!?!" as she started to go on and on about that my heart sank. i cant wait to finally have a schedule down. We're still looking at places to go, things to do, and searching for people to meet. There are a few people on my "get-to-know-better" list!! which i'm excited about!! [=

....so far things are starting off on the "slow" side! I planned to get to know that girl caroline that i mentioned before. i was all ready to get to know her more at lunch today!! i knew what i was going to wear, and i started to write down a few questions that i was going to ask her at lunch!!....buuuuut no. i mentioned in my last post that its been snowing nonstop all weekend and that we were snowed in! we couldn't even go to church!!! =[ well, today my brother and i got off! the news called another 'snow day" on the schools! -_- soooo i get to wait until next week to do everything that i wanted to do TODAY! =p hahah oh wells!!...(plus all the more time to read on in my lovely book!!)

I'll be sure to keep ya updated on the whole "meeting people" thang!! [= like i said a while back...my "life ball" should start rolling any day now!!! hahaha until then...
Peace!
Chow!
Love you!
<3>

everyting in a bottle

"i look outside. its gray and cold. but my heart is warm and full of hope!
as i watch the snow blow by, like kids in a high school hallway, it makes me want to join in and see what the craziness is all about!
the winds are screaming now. but the voice in my head is a soft whisper!
as i work at the kitchen table i hear the crows cackling at each other in madness, it makes me wonder what they are fighting about!
the trees are still bare. but i am covered and warm with my heavy coat on!
as the buds begin to blossom so do i, i'm just as anxious to see the beautiful flowers and leaves along with the many people i'll soon come to meet!
its a crescent moon. my new life is just beginning!
as i open my eyes to a brand new day, i wonder why God put me here....what he wants me to do and say!
now, i look back on my life so far. my rainbow of a life isn't over yet!"

ready...set...ACTION!!

Wow!...when i first woke up this morning it was...fine. there was no snow....then i walked outside and down the hallway to see my brother on his computer! I walked back into my room thinking that i just didnt wake up all the way yet....then i walked back out and he was still sitting there at his desk!! haha i thought to my self as i was walking down the stairs "is it Saturday?!?" haha!
my mom came down at this time and said "good morning!" I asked her "is this Alex's snow day??" I looked outside again and saw the ground. -_- my mom said "yep".....as i was getting breakfast i said to myself "cheap!" hahaha....

now its been snowing for over 3 hours straight!...i stood corrected. haha! There has to be at least 3-4 inches of snow outside! =p its going to be a lazy crazy weekend! -_- BLAH!! Oh well! i have plenty to do!! [= school work, blogging, facebook, school work, dissections, and....oh! school work!! haha...they said that its going to be snowing like this all. weekend. :s (this should be fun)

so far....the days have "brightened" up a great deal! My mom went to a women's night/get together thing with our church last night and came home with so many "small world" stories!! they were great to hear! I've met a few people at my little tutorial that i go to. i met this really nice girl named Caroline! i cant wait to get to know her more! (she reminds me alot of my best friend Caroline in AZ!!) i've also met some girls at church! so there are a few things to be looking forward to now!! [=

"Soaring Prayers" by Tori Woods

"How does man express God's glory and light?
How does he praise God's strength and might?
with glass and stone prayers expressing God's worth,
man created a heavenly city on earth.

The men how they toiled year after year,
masons, carpenters, artists, and engineers,
their passion, patience, persistence, and mirth,
helped them create a heavenly city on earth.

columns, vaults, buttresses, spires and towers,
directed eyes heavenward expressing God's power,
bright painted walls depicting Christ's birth,
were parts of this heavenly city on earth.

sparkling glass windows where stories were told,
to illiterate people making God's story unfold,
the lost received insight, hope and rebirth,
because of this heavenly city on earth.

silver crosses, jeweled boxes, lovingly created,
illuminated manuscripts elaborately decorating,
pilgrims converged from places like Perth,
to this heavenly city on earth.

this treasure of faith and center of life,
in medieval cities teeming with strife,
was a symbol of the church's self worth,
man's creation; his heavenly city on earth."

this was my poem that i had to present to my humanities class today!!!....it went better than i had expected!! haha

old poems made new....

So...
a while back one of my very close friends wrote a touching poem to me....by scratch....it was very good!! (for someone who doesn't write poetry on a daily basis...) hehe....its one of my favorite poems!!!....but like always....life goes on...things happen....and relationships change. But i still wanted to share this poem with you guys!! (i have to change a few words....but they all still mean the same thing!!)

this is for that special person that originally wrote this for me!....


"there is a special friend that i cant stop thinking about,
i love them with all my heart, and to me they are much more than an acquaintance, they are someone that i care alot about and would do anything for,
i loved seeing their face, it would brighten up my days, their smile could lighten up the darkest of rooms, they're very funny and very kind, and i hope we can stay close friends forever and ever! so this is for you....my very good friend whom i love very very much!" [=

2nd semester!!!

Hey!!

Ok, so the second semester has finally started! My home work has been at a minimum as of now and my school work as been the norm!..Lately its been: wake up, get dressed, go down stairs, eat break fast, do family bible study, then start school around 7:30am. Then pick brother up at 2:30pm! It's been pretty chillax during the day! Dad's at work and bro at school all day! So its just the girls running the house! haha (me, mommy, and puppy Sophie) I've been reading A LOT of my book for school! its called "the Talisman." Its an old English book so my mind flies around while i read it...until i've read it over and over at least 3 times i start to understand it! haha its really hard to comprehend!

Friend wise...well, you know how it is! i'm new! i'm just now starting to get out and around...somewhat. I've met the kids in my class and some kids at church..but i haven't really sat down and got engrossed in a "real" conversation yet. Not going to lie...its been really really hard making a "fresh" start when it comes to making new friends. =/ (and being the more quieter type...its been internally stressful!!) I'd be laying in bed imagining the worse cases! (picturing my az friends livin the life! having soooo much fun together!) The other night i had a social night Myer! In my dream I had been at my church in az -visiting- and everything seemed totally normal until all my friends came running up to me yelling my name and giving me hugs!...well...attempting to give me hugs...i could tell it was a dream because whenever they would reach out for my hand or try to hug me...they would go right through me! =[ This morning i told my mom about my dream and she told me that its normal to have those kind of dreams and that i'm simply missing my friends and they are too far to give me hugs. Also the other night i broke down crying when my mom asked me if i was ok. i told her i didn't feel "right". (again...this is normal) -_-

Last week I was looking through the book shelves in the class room and i found a book entitled "a woman after God's own heart" i picked it up. and took it to my room and started reading it. WOW! it really opened my eyes! I began to read the first chapter of the book and it was about mary's sister martha and how she was too busy getting her house all ready for Jesus when all he wanted her to do is sit and be still and talk with him. that was me right there. it really opened my eyes to see that i haven't been "sitting still" and listening to God. I've been so busy moving, unpacking, getting ready for Christmas and then school, and now doing school! That i've totally forgotten about God!! =o *O shnap!* haha...but i've found time at night to talk to God and thank him for everything that he's done. (even though i've cried out "why me?!?" a few times) I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm here. with my family. for a reason. Now all I gotta do is find what that reason is! [= So, please continue to keep not only me but my family in your prayers as we all try to find our own reasons for being here!
Thanks a bunch!
LOVE u all!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
2010